okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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