Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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