i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
