Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
