but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
