if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
