I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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