I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
