my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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