if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
