After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
