That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
