Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
