Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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