Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
