I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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