i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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