1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Randomize
