dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
id be glad to
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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