I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
