her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
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