Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
They left me at home... I'm a liability
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
