did you get engaged???
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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