The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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