that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
