Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
