The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
i came on her dog
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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