wanna go halves on a baby?
it's like iHOP with fire
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
