I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
