If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
