My nipple is on Facebook.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
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