Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
