According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
