1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
