just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
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