first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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