I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
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