just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
