not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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