elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
