Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
