i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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