Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
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