I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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