dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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