My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
you told grandpa to call you daddy
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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