fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
They have beer where we have blood.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
