I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
