I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
