I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
