FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
