Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
