Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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