I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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