You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
